Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
