Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
