I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
