Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
