Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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