whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
