singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We have started to decorate penises.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
