it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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