omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
