Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The ass gains better be worth it
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
