That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
NoShamevember. You game?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
