so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
