i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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