I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
