um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
