oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
