I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
