Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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