Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
