Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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