so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
