i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
