Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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