Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Who died my cat blue again?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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