So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize