And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
did you just send me my own nude
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
