you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
