im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
