"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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