If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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