what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
A+ Viking dick
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
