Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
