so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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