im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
