i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
