I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
