You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have feelings that need drinking.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
