i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
