Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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