people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
