Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
this beer tastes like vomit already
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
