I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
