matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
