what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
