I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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