As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
