This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
