hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
