just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
