READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
