No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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