1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
