Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
