rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
And then he peed in my hair
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