Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
