the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize