OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
