3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
