Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
