I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
