All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize