i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
