He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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